what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
