dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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