after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
