Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
