Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She announced her abortion via fbk
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
