u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
