i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I love you. Go after that dick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
