It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
