that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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