I got chris browned last night
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
