So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We're too hungover to prance.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
