If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
