I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
