my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In other news, I just burned my penis
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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