I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
