Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
