that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
