She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
