i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
