Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
