We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
