I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
