he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
