I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
