He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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