in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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