My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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