i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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