And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
