No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No I am not eating basil off your cock
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
