When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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