Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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