Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
should my penis look like a turkey
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
