I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize