my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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