I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
