the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
