I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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