I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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