I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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