Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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