Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
