i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
