I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
