honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
