lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
