she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize