My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
