Pappa wants mamma naked
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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