DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
