Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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