i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
