some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
