I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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