i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
