At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
