I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize