He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
