you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
