fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
