im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
