I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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