my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
