I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
