hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
