just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
