honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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