with your own penis?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize