When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
