woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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