My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my poor anus
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
