You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
