Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
two words...techno handjob
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
