I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
