I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize