Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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