last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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