i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
