just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
