So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
