so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize