I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
