Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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