I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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