where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
