i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My feet surprised me
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