I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
