DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
