she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
