Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
