I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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