I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
