tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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